Archive for March, 2009

7 Ways to Reduce Stress!

Saturday, March 7th, 2009
  1. Get up 15 minutes earlier every morning. Alternatively, don’t go to sleep at all. Leave for work at 10PM.
  2. Don’t rely on your memory. Write things down. This is the first step towards completely replacing your useless brain someday.
  3. Take a hot bath. (note: This won’t actually relieve stress. It’s just… well, lately… look, let’s just say you could stand to take more baths and leave it at that.)
  4. Do a favor for someone today. You can start by mowing my lawn.
  5. Get your unpleasant tasks out of the way by doing them first thing, thereby ruining what could have been a nice day.
  6. Add an ounce of love to everything you do. If you don’t have any love on hand, you can add an ounce of chili powder to everything you do.
  7. When you get angry, count to ten before you do anything. This way, you’ll at least be giving people a ten second head start before you finally snap.
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The Entering Light!

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

I’d like to share something. This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, “The Entering Light.” It’s part Jane Austen novel, part instruction manual for an Olympus E3 camera.

Chapter III: Exposure

“I dare say,” stated Mrs. Johnson, “I do think Mr. Brimbley will be in town for only another fortnight. It is a shame for such a handsome single man with such a large fortune should continue to go unmarried.”

Dorothea wasn’t listening, but instead looking out the window at the beautiful field that lay before Dunhill Manor. She spied several deer running this way and that nearby. She set her shutter speed to 1/500th of a second in order to freeze their motion, and then turned around to address Mrs Johnson.

“Really, what interest could Mr. Brimbley have in me? It is very unkind of you to propose such an idea, when Mr. Brimbley has made no such advances. He certainly has shown due kindness and gentleness, but I fear that my stature and demeanor find no favor in his eyes.” Her eyes started to water, and her lips trembled, as did her hands. She flicked a switch, and turned on the Image Stabilization.

At that very moment, Mr. Brimbley opened the door. The beautiful morning sun poured in and brightened the room. Dorothea decreased her apeture.

“Dorothea, I’m afraid I’ve made a horrible error.”

“What error is that?” she inquired. “Have you miscalculated your snuff usage, or did you accidentally lend your top-hat to an Irish-man?”

“I’ve made a mistake far graver than either of those offenses.”  Mr. Brimbley then procured, from his waistcoat pocket, a ring. It was difficult to see from across the room. Dorothea zoomed in as close as she could. The image in the viewfinder became difficult to see through her tears.

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