the tree of woe

Current statistics indicate that there are over 20 bazillion blogs in existence, yet only roughly 6 of them are any good(this blog is not one of them.) If you want your blog to become #7, follow these foolproof tips to create a better blog, get more subscribers and readers, and generally add to the substance of the universe.

1. Post frequently. The smallest useful measurable amount of time is one second. Aim for one post every second.
2. Give useful information. The trick to this is that everyone has already blogged about every piece of useful information ever, so you’re going to have to come up with something new. Try turning lead into gold, then blog about that. Even if you aren’t successful, at least you’ll have done something useful with all of that spare lead I’m assuming you have strewn about your place.
3. Interact with readers. Reply to their emails and comments. Answer their questions. Invite them back. Figure out their interests, and write with them in mind. Find out where they live, where they work, their sleeping patterns, and their deepest fears. Go through their trash. You know, interact with them.
4. Be current. Make sure your blog stays up to date. If it didn’t happen within the last 48 hours, it doesn’t matter anymore. Remember the saying about not knowing history and being doomed? Some guy from like 1000 years ago or something said it, so who cares? Don’t blog about stuff like that.
5. Use cliffhangers. End every post with some sort of danger that makes people want to come back to see if you’ve survived. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to figure out a way to get off of this sinking hovercraft.” is pretty good.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to figure out a way to get off of this sinking hovercraft.

I don’t like to blog about blogging, as that’s not my style.  I do want to mention, however, that I just changed the url of my feedburner feed. The old one will probably still work, but the new one is the official one. So, to my singular subscriber, if you ever have the urge, you can change the feed to http://feeds.feedburner.com/mcgladdery/woe instead of whatever it used to be.

McGladdery out.

One of the most stressful parts of starting a blog is thinking of a name. Sure, you can call it something like “Blog,” but no one is going to read that. Some people use a title that actually describes the content you will find inside the blog. Sure, that’s fine for non creative types. To stand out, though, you need a name that is a cross between a good band name and a good book title. Something pretentious. “The Tree of Woe” is a good example. It sounds kind of literary and mysterious, but has absolutely nothing to do with the blog itself whatsoever. Those “in the know” will think I sound hip. Those really “in the know” will recognize it as a professional wrestling reference, and will consequently(and rightly so) have nothing further to do with me.

As a public service, here are some blog names.  Feel free to take whatever you want. (Non creative titles included)

• Moose Time
• Into These Parts
• Proof of Purchase
• Bear Food
• Amras Arcamenel’s Journey into the Forest of Fangorn (Only use if you’re content never feeling the gentle touch of a woman ever again.)
• So Very, Very Lonely
• I’m Mad! Grrr! LOL
• Daily Thoughts Life World Musings Blog (Hint: This one is good.)
• Pay Attention To Me
• Marketing Marketing Marketing (Keep typing this word until it won’t let you keep going.)
• (Rants/Ramblings/Journal/Diary/Journey) of a (Adjective) (Noun)
• Only the Best M*A*S*H Fan Fiction
• Blurry Pictures of my Family