the tree of woe

I dislike naps, and I’m sick of being in the minority about it. Everyone I know goes around touting the nap, singing its praises. I’m tired of it.

What’s to like about it? You lie down on the couch, time passes, and you are left groggy, sweaty, (I’m assuming everyone sweats as powerfully as I) and now it’s dark outside. Your entire day from that point on is completely messed up. Yet people continue in this practice.

I just sleep longer in the morning. Of course that’s not invulnerable to criticism, either. Getting up at eleven in the morning has negative connotations in the minds of those insufferable “morning people.” They’re so smug about it, too. “Are you just getting up now? I’ve already gone to work and come back home for lunch and given the dog a bath and renewed my passport and discovered a new prime number.”

Want to know what’s not so productive? An hour and a half of unconsciousness in the middle of the afternoon, that’s what. That’s when I’ll get my stuff done, such as stealing your wallet and taking your car to Wendy’s, Mr. Morning Person.

How in the world do you buy diamonds “factory direct,” as a commercial I just saw on TV claimed? The only possible way I can think of would be to go to a cave and pay someone to walk around, looking for diamonds.

I have to admit that I have no idea where diamonds come from. I assume you can just find them in caves. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong.

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love - 
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me - 
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud one night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we - 
Of many far wiser than we - 
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling -my darling -my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea - 
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Angels didn’t take her away, Ed. You were just too cheap to buy her a coat. And you have a bed, so you can stop sleeping in the cemetery now. That’s so creepy.