Technology is good. It allows you to remain in contact with the world wherever you go, ensuring that no matter how remote your location, everyone you know will be able to maintain their death grip on your precious, precious time.
A Brief History of Technology
Technology is nearly as old as mankind itself. It started with fire. It progressed with fire 2.0. A recall was then issued for fire, as it had a tendency to catch on fire. The irony, as you can imagine, was delicious. Technology then took the following path:
- The Wheel
- Movable Type
- The Cotton Gin
- Nuclear Fission
- iPods
This is by no means a complete list, but it does represent the growth of technology over thousands of years. Perhaps you don’t see how an iPod is descended from the cotton gin. This is because you are stupid. It’s nothing personal.. I’m just saying.
Technological progress has enhanced human lives throughout history. It has made some tasks of everyday life easier, and has taken over other tasks completely. Just a few generations ago, people would rise before the dawn, work, eat a little, work some more, and then they would go to work. After coming home from work, they would do some work around the house and then go to sleep. It was a rough existence, as most of their day was consumed with growing or working for food, building or repairing shelters, hoping they would not be eaten by bears, and other mundane activities. As technological advancements began to progress more rapidly during the late nineteenth century, people’s habits started to change. The automobile, or “horseless carriage” replaced the “horsed carriage.” This allowed people to work further away from home, which was ideal, especially if they hated their families. The telephone increased the distance between people, while at the same time toilet paper brought them together. Not everyone, however, was ready for change.
Progress
Technological progress hasn’t always been welcome. Indeed, advances in technology have advantages and disadvantages. Every invention had its critics. Some people afraid of what the automobile might bring thought that the human body would explode if certain speeds were achieved. Others didn’t like the way autos spooked their horses. Such myths with no foundation in logic or reason abounded during this time. Opponents of Coca Cola wondered out loud if drinking all that cocaine was good for you. What a bunch of loons. As history has proven, progress does not stop for crazy people.
Even now, as you sit here reading this waste of time, other, more motivated people are working hard to advance technology. Technology, you see, is a living, breathing, pooping thing. It changes with time, adapts to new situations, laughs at you when you set your alarm for PM instead of AM. Technology has no heart, you see, and it hates you, specifically.
Technology Hates You
You can feel the contempt every time your Oldsmobile 88 says “Good Morning” to you in that synthesized voice, a pure hatred that becomes naked hostility when the car later informs you that “The key is still in the ignition.” You know the key is in the ignition. You left it there on purpose, I’m sure. It’s no good telling the car that, however. The car can’t hear or understand you. The car gets the last word, and you look like a moron for trying to talk to a car.
Final Verdict
Technology is as good or as bad as the people using it. We must decide which direction to go. Will we end up with a future similar to The Matrix, where machines have taken over the earth, or will we see a future like Star Trek, where they seem to be as obsessed with the “latter half of the 20th century” as we are with them? I don’t know. I plan to be dead by then, so I really don’t care, either.
