the tree of woe

We got a new phonebook yesterday.

Actually, I was a little surprised. Who uses phonebooks anymore? Certainly not I. Being the cutting edge, Web 2.0 fellow that I am, I always use Goog-411 to find the numbers I’m looking for. When that inevitably fails, (“I said HOME DEPOT… HOOOOOOME DEEEEEEE…) I go straight to Google. After scrolling through ten pages of useless, unrelated stuff, I give up.

I refuse to use a phonebook, despite its clear advantages. For example, there is a pizza coupon on the front. I’d never, ever use it, as I’d feel self conscious trotting about town with my measly phonebook coupon clutched tightly in my fist. If you have multiple places to look up, sometimes you can save some real time. Need a plumber and a podiatrist? Same page, my friend. Need a sign and a silversmith? Better yet, need a sign made of silver? The phonebook has it all and more. Take, for example, the wonderful ad on the back cover. It’s an ad for a law firm that specializes in (what else?) “serious injury claims.” They will help you with various injuries, such as:

• Automobile
• Slip & Fall
• Construction Site
• Dog Attacks
• Defective Products
• Pedestrian … ?

So if you’re ever walking through a construction site and you slip and fall, causing you to drive the Slim Jim you were eating into your eye, the scent of which causes some nearby dogs to attack your face, and then a pedestrian… steps on you… or something… you can really clean up with these people helping you out. Maybe by “pedestrian” they actually mean a boring, run of the mill serious injury claim. It’s hard to tell. I’d call them, but Goog-411 can’t find them, and I refuse to use the printed number out of pride.

I guess we’ll never know.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 3rd, 2010 at 12:54 am and is filed under Everyday Life, Insightful Observations, Stinging Criticism. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.