the tree of woe

One of the many things I plan on doing with my millions – just as soon as I acquire said millions – will be to hire a personal shopper to accompany me everywhere I go (to shop.) I will not be hiring just any personal shopper. I will hire Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of Amazon.com.

I imagine we will walk into a store together. Bezos (That’s what I call him) will say to me, “Hello, Kevin! We have recommendations for you. Not Kevin?”

“Uhm, hello, Bezos. Look, you don’t need to say hello, we drove together, and what kind of sentence is ‘Not Kevin?’ ” He will stare at me blankly. ”Look, Bezos, I’m just here for a new memory card for my camera.” We’d walk over to a display of memory cards, and I’d grab one off of the shelf. “This one looks good.”

“If you buy that item, you can also buy a Kingston 19-in-1 USB 2.0 Flash Memory Card Reader  and a Kingston 4 GB SDHC Class 4 Flash Memory Card for only $46.42,” says Bezos.

“Yeah… no thanks. Just the card will be fine.”

“After viewing the item in your hand, it was purchased by 78% of shoppers. 8% bought the SanDisk 4 GB Extreme III CompactFlash Card, and 5% bought the Kingston Elite Pro 16 GB 133x CompactFlash Memory Card…”

“Okay, Bezos, that’s great. Thanks.”

“Customers who bought that item also bought the Canon EOS 50D 15.1MP Digital SLR Camera with EF 28-135mm lens for $1,299.00″

“Wow, Bezos. Nope, I’m pretty sure I’m just buying this one thing. Didn’t really plan on dropping over a grand today.”

“Here are all forty five reviews for this product…”

And with that, I’d have to fire Bezos. “No hard feelings, Bezos. I will be needing your nametag back, though.”

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 27th, 2009 at 10:48 am and is filed under Insightful Observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.