Public Pulse!
To the Grand Rapids Press,
I am writing to you to express my (enthusiasm/support/deep and abiding love) for (insert candidate name here). (Candidate) has a (proven/outstanding/perfect) track record of (getting things done/cutting government waste/supernatural feats of strength/the ability to fly). I fully support the candidacy of (candidate), and believe that (he/she) is the (best/ideal/greatest ever) person for the office.
(Opponent), however, (is bad/is not qualified/is horrible/punched me in the throat once/is the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse). (Opponent) supports such policies as (raising taxes/lowering taxes/changing the national anthem to “Folsom Prison Blues”/furious and indiscriminate throat-punching/killing a quarter of the world’s population.) Clearly, this is not what we need! I urge everyone to (not vote for/publicly shame/punch the throat of) (Opponent), and instead (vote for/lift high on your shoulders/build an everlasting monument, now and for all time to) (Candidate).
Sincerely,
(Concerned Citizen/Local Crackpot/Lt. Governor)
